By David Cuthbertson
I couldn’t tell you exactly what age I first showed symptoms of manic depression and anxiety, but I can remember as far back as 6 years old having crazy episodes. In 3rd grade I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder (later in his school my doctor said my brain changed and that I showed more signs of depression and anxiety than bipolar). I was raised in a Christian home, and am a Christian myself which plays a huge part in my story. I can remember the first time I resorted to self abuse as a solution. I was in 7th grade. Since then I’ve struggled on a off with cutting and attempted suicides and idealization. I learned to get good at hiding it. At hiding the pain. Cutting where others couldn’t see or popping pain pills when I was alone in attempted suicide. For the longest time I was all but physically dead. I had given up. I had no hope. One of the hardest questions I have to answer is “How can you be a Christian and be so depressed?”. This question that made me realize how much people- religious and non-religious- don’t understand mental disorders. It’s so hard to explain the complete emptiness that depression makes you live in, but also explains how even though this depression makes my life feel empty, that at the end of the day, God gives me hope. Without my faith I would’ve been dead from suicide years ago. My goal is to be a singer/songwriter, and one of the biggest things I want to do is speak for those who aren’t understood. To speak for those with mental disorders. I want to be that one person that everyone has who believes in them even if no one else does. Every person’s story is different, but every person’s story can help others. I’m 22 years old, and every day I wake up I want to be a better man than I was the day before. I want to make at least one person smile and positively impact them every single day I live. Fight. Love. Impact.